My boys are exactly 9 years and 4 months apart. I had my son, Tyrus, when I was 20 years old. A few years later my doctor told me that he would be my only child because of medical issues I have. Honestly, this didn’t bother me much, (once I got over that initial blow). Guess what happened next?! Less than a year went by before I became pregnant with my son, Cy. I was in disbelief even as they confirmed it with a blood test. My doctor even performed an internal ultrasound because she had to see it to believe it! Everyone was shocked at the news. I think this happens pretty often, doesn’t it? People are given small chance or no chance at all and then BOOM it happens anyway! Tyrus had wanted a brother for quite some time so he was beyond ecstatic.
Here’s a list of some of my concerns with such an age gap followed by what actually happened?
▪️Will they both get the attention they deserve?
Sharing my attention is another story. This was a tough one for me, especially in the beginning months. I was pretty much a nurse-horse, confined to the bedroom or my comfy chair. Cy was a cluster eater OH JOY which made me a mombie haha get it? I was always so tired and stressing over whether or not Cy had eaten enough. Tyrus would sit next to me, go grab me what I needed, anything to just be around me. I think he understood, but, I still felt bad that we weren’t really doing much together. Now that Cy is 2 1/2 it’s gotten better because we can all do things together, (usually). Temper tantrums are at an all time high but, that’s to be expected. Tyrus is phenomenal at rolling with the punches about 99% of the time, better than I would have ever been at his age!
▪️How will they play together or even be friends with this big of an age difference?
Oh my gosh, they are extremely close. I think in some ways the age gap has helped them to be closer than they would be otherwise. Tyrus is like a best friend/additional parental figure/mentor for Cy. He’s taught him so many things I would have never even thought of as an adult (boring). He’s taught him how to play with toys, fight with light sabers, eat his food like a “big boy”, and one of my favorites be kind and super-duper silly. On the flip side, Cy has taught Tyrus how to be more patient and thoughtful, to be honest he was already really exceptional at those things but I figured I’d throw Cy a bone ?To paint a picture:they have matching spider-man and batman pajamas, matching super hero capes, chase each other through the house like cave people, and I yell at them, they also love snuggling together on the couch and eating ice cream ? My hope is that they remain close throughout the stormy teenage years. Fingers crossed! ?
▪️Will I show favoritism?
This hasn’t been much of an issue. There are times were I expect more from Tyrus than Cy, but I would consider this normal considering the age difference. I won’t lie, there have been instances where I get frustrated with Cy and Tyrus gets the brunt of my grouchiness. This is something I’m working on daily. I also make sure to talk to him about it and apologize for my mood towards him.
▪️I can’t possibly love anyone as much as I love you, can I?
The reality of the change quickly coming our way really started sinking in and my little bestie would soon have to share my love and attention. I struggled with this probably more than was necessary. I just couldn’t for the life of me imagine loving anything or anyone as much as I love Tyrus. But, lo and behold I do. I love Cy just as much as I love Tyrus! I had been freaking out for nothing. That mom guilt gets me every time.
I think that’s what all of my concerns with their age difference were about in the first place.
The reality of the matter is, nothing will ever go exactly how you plan it. Enjoy the Lemons life throws your way.
Donut date! ?